Chapter What-ish

I was going to title this blog entry, "Facing the Muzak," but then figured that that bit is probably more than a little played out. So here we are with "Chapter What-ish." Why? Because I, like so many people I know right now, am up to my neck in dissertation chapters, revisions, etc. The "facing the muzak" temptation comes in because I just got back from the "required" department meeting for grad students planning on going on the job market in the fall. This, of course, is terrifying for more reasons than I'd care to enumerate, but suffice it to say, I left the meeting feeling oddly...hopeful. I was prepared to be lectured and chided for my insufficient preparation, but these are, I'm increasingly realizing, my own personal bogeys. In fact, the placement officer is so remarkable. She's so fucking intelligent and articulate and goofy and human all at the same time. I emphasize the human bit because when people in the academy truly freak me out, like, at the level of Ardelia Knightley (if we all remember her?), it's because they don't seem human. That's probably not accurate. It's more like they are so invested in defending with their very last breath the illusion that they are this bizarre, epistemologically privileged composite of academic wisdom, which makes them completely, apparently, devoid of irony, facetiousness, and the capacity for self-denigration and self-abasement of any sort. Fucking weird, you know? This is a long way of saying that this woman is amazing. And *cou-hot-gh*. Ahem.


Back to my newly discovered hopefulness. I've been focusing lately, inspired, I'll admit, in some degree by QC (and mrtreetop) in their admirable pursuit for self-improvement. While I have yet to take the plunge, what with the chanting and all that (though I've promised QC to try it sometime soon, and I will) the important idea is clearly developing one's capacity for introspection, for seeing the painful truths and delusions that govern our lives, and for taking proactive measures to adjust these painful truths as necessary. To disillusion oneself, say. Or something. With that in mind, I'm trying to focus on being just a little bit less my own worst, most crippling adversary.


Sorry for the earnestness. Have a lolcat.


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