Wednesday, May 23, 2007

And Today's Headline Is...

HETEROSEXUAL, CHRISTIAN, OMNIVOROUS PARENTS PUT BABY IN MICROWAVE--NATION DIVIDED: CAN WE TRUST OMNIVORES TO CARE FOR CHILDREN? SHOULD STRAIGHT CHRISTIANS BE ALLOWED TO MARRY?

GALVESTON, Texas (AP) -- A woman blames the devil, and not her husband, for severely burning their infant daughter in a microwave, a Texas television station reported.

Eva Marie Mauldin said Satan compelled her 19-year-old husband, Joshua Royce Mauldin, to microwave their daughter May 10 because the devil disapproved of Joshua's efforts to become a preacher.

"Satan saw my husband as a threat," Eva Mauldin told Houston television station KHOU-TV.

A grand jury indicted Joshua Mauldin last week on child injury charges after hearing evidence that he placed the two-month-old in a motel microwave for 10 to 20 seconds. (Watch cops react to burned baby Video)

The infant, Ana Marie, remains hospitalized. She suffered burns on the left side of her face and to her left hand, police said.

Police said Joshua Mauldin told them he put Ana Marie in the microwave because he was under stress. Eva Maudlin denied it.

"He would never do anything to hurt her. He loves her," she said.

She is hoping to be reunited with her daughter, but Child Protective Services is working to have the parental rights severed.

7 comments:

geoffreycrayon said...

The problems all started when they told us we were descended from apes. Or maybe it's the immigrants polluting our righteous culture. Wait, wait--it's when they wouldn't allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in classrooms.

That's when good, white Chrustian boys started microwaving their babies.

Damn liberal media.

Bourbon Enthusiast Monthly said...

Once again, everyone misses the point, and the media doesn't answer the big question:

Was the baby delicious?

B said...

What's grosser than gross? 100 babies roasting in a microwave. What's grosser than gross? One baby roasing in 100 microwaves.

What did the heterosexual Christian couple's baby say when it crossed the road?

Nothing. It was dead.

queercat said...

This is precisely where America went wrong: we made microwaves so big that you can fit a baby inside. NO ONE needs a microwave that big, and anyone using one to cook a turkey, chicken, roast, or baby should be promptly dragged out into the street and shot. These large microwaves are a sign of the corrupting decadence of our culture, and they must eliminated, along with their cult of users. Don't you know that the Romans started using extremely large microwaves right before their empire crumbled?

Anonymous said...

Okay, I have to admit, I'm new to this blog; I just bounced here from a link off Lorna's "Rambling" site. I wish I had something clever to add to the jokes above, but mostly I'm just depressed. I can't believe someone would try to microwave his own baby, or that people would make a news story out of it.

Bobby

Bourbon Enthusiast Monthly said...

Actually, I think they tried to make a pasta salad out of it.

mrtreetop said...

Who the hell puts meat in the microwave anyway? C'mon, Barbeque?